Live long and Prosper

I'm having to go to a funeral Friday. This is going to be the fourth one in my soon to be nineteen years. At this rate I am going to end up going to at least sixteen before I pass on. So far the ones I have been to I didn't really feel any remorse or need to mourne while being there. I dont know if it's because of my age or the fact that I wasnt that close to any of the people. Even though my grandma did go to just about all of my birthdays, frequently gave me gifts, and babysat me, I still did not feel much remorse. I dont consider myself to be apathetic necessarily but I do suffer from a lack of empathy. This funeral I'm going to this friday is for my dad's stepfather, and during the phone call received to be notified of it, my dad why crying. This is unusual because the only times my dad cries is after a night of violence and drunken stupor, or in the case of when his mom passed away. Every time I'm always worried about what to wear to the funerals because depending on who it is there seems to be at least one person at the funeral who seems to be checking everyones appearance, and notifies them if they don't meet the standard. I find this odd because at my own funeral I would not care if everyone showed up buck-naked and I wouldnt care if there was an orgy on top of my coffin. Because to say the person who was dead, would even deserve to have someone dress for them during the wake or funeral. This man who died was a good man, so I respect him and will dress my best. If the next funeral I go to is for someone who doesnt deserve respect I will not put much thought into my appearance.